If I'm not in love with you
by suzy5
Summary: An angsty songfic. Hope you enjoy it! Marthie
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own Seventh heaven. My take on what happens after the Finale. Lyrics by Faith Hill._

_If I'm not in love with you  
What is this I'm going through, tonight _

It was a couple of weeks after Simon and Rose's wedding, well thewedding that didn't happen.

Sandy and Aaron was still hanging around and for some strange reason seemed happier and Simon seemed content as well.

Ruth had began packing since she would be leaving in the next two weeks. It had been a crazy ride for the Camden's but it seemed as though as everything was beginning to settle down.

That night, Ruth went downstairs to find her entire family dancing and singing.

"What's going on?" she asked smiling as the twins rushed up to her smiling.

"Nothing. We are just celebrating life" Annie replied as Eric twirled her around. Sandy and Simon danced up to her at that point and said "We have something to tell you"

"Okay" Ruth replied as she followed them into the kitchen.

They looked at one another before smiling and Simon blurted out "Aaron is my child. Sandy told me at the reception"

"Well congratulations" Ruth said as she gave them both a hug and smiled brightly at them.

Sandy hugged her back and then said "Thank you. Telling Martin was not fun. He was really disappointed and sad"

"That's too bad" Ruth said softly.

"I think he could use a friend right now" Sandy shamelessy hinted before following Simon out the kitchen.

_Martin_

"Have you ever thought that this is a blessing in disguise?" Bill Brewer said to his son who had come home to mope.

"What do you mean? I spent most of Sandy's pregnancy wishing it to be a nightmare and then Aaron arrived and it was all worth it"

"But you weren't in love with her" Bill stated as Martin sighed before replying "I know"

"So now you can concentrate on school and baseball and finally telling someone the truth."

"The Truth? And what would that be?"

"That you are in love with her"

"Oh really? And who would that be?"

"Ruthie"  
_  
And if this heart is lying then _

"Dad, I think you have been smelling too much manure lately"

_  
What should I believe in _

"So you are still in denial?"

"About what?" Martin replied exasperatedly.

"About Ruth and your feelings toward her"

"Dad, the only thing I feel for her is a brotherly concern. She is way too young for me to even consider dating"

"Okay. When she leaves for Scotland and reunites with Peter, don't come running back to me"

"Leave for Scotland? With Peter? The Camden's are letting her do that?"

"Yes they are"

Martin shook his head and said "I'm going for a walk"

"You do that" Bill replied smiling at him.

_  
Why do I go crazy  
Every time I think about you baby _

Martin walked out the house and went across the street to see Kevin walking out.

"Martin! I didn't know you were around"

"I just came home. I suppose Sandy told you?"

"Yes she did. Simon is really happy and so is Sandy. I would think you are too" Kevin stated as he looked closer at the young man before him.

"I'm happy that I know the truth but I was getting use to being a dad, you know?"

"Well just because Aaron isn't your son doesn't mean you won't get to be a dad someday. This time you will be able to do it the right way. Fall in love with the woman of your dreams and have a home together and a baby."

"I guess you're right" Martin responded as he took a deep breath and then asked "Is Ruthie upstairs by any chance?"

"You just missed her. She went out"

"Like out on a date?" Martin asked as his heart started beating rapidly and his fingers began involuntarily clenching.

"Yes. Exactly like that" Kevin replied before saying "I've got to go home. Stop by if you need to talk about it"

"About Aaron?' he asked in confusion as Kevin laughed and said "No about Ruthie"

_  
Why else do I want you like I do  
If I'm not in love with you  
_

Martin sighed briefly before stepping inside the Camden's kitchen. He went straight to the fridge to get a glass of milk and some cookies on the counter. As he sat down, Eric walked into the kitchen.

"Martin. What a surprise. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine considering..."

_And if I don't need your touch _

_Why do I miss you so much _

_Tonight _

"Yes. It was quite a shock to us all" Eric said softly before taking a seat across Martin and continuing "Look Martin. I want to apologize for the way I treated you when I found out that Sandy was pregnant."

"That's okay Mr. Camden. I was a jerk to her, even if Aaron wasn't my son, I should have been there"

Eric smiled at the young man sitting there and as he stood to leave, Martin stopped him.

"My dad told me that Ruthie is going to Scotland in two weeks"

Eric turned around, the smile leaving his face. The last thing they needed was Martin making some sort of declaration of love and Ruthie staying here in Glen Oak.

_To hold you forever _

_Give a part of me I thought I'd never _

"Yes she is"

"With Peter?"

"Well Peter will be taking classes as well"

"Do you think that is a wise idea?" Martin finally asked as he looked up at Mr. Camden.

_Give again to someone I could lose _

_If I'm not in love with you _

Eric took a deep breath before saying "Martin. She needs this, she needs to get away from here, from us, from you. You broke her heart and no matter how many times she tries to convince Annie and I that she is okay, she is not. She is quiet and way too helpful and just not Ruth."

"Okay" Martin replied sadly as he stood up.

"Martin, I didn't mean..." Eric began as Martin help up his hand and interrupted "No I get it. I broke her heart, I shouldn't even be here. I'm sorry" and with that he walked out the back door.

_If it's just infatuation then _

_Why is my heart aching _

Just then Annie entered the kitchen and said "was that Martin I heard? Why did he leave?"

"We might have a small problem" Eric confessed as he repeated the conversation he had with Martin.

When he was finished Annie sighed and said "We should have seen this coming"

"What? How?"

"Well do you really think Ruth would have fallen in love with him if he hadn't encourage her in some way?"

"How? By being nice?" Eric exclaimed outrageously as Ruth walked in.

"Hi" she said as she grabbed an apple and looked at her parents.

"Hello" They said as they looked at her. Annie then smiled and asked "How was the date?"

"It was good. We had fun. I'm a little tired though. I'll see you tomorrow. Night" and with that she kissed both her parents and went upstairs.

Once she was in her room, she walked over to her bureau and looked in the mirror. She was getting better at lying to her parents. The date was horrible, but it was partly because of her. She just wasn't ready to date some other guy. Not when Martin consumed every fiber of her being.

_  
Oh why in every fantasy  
Do I feel your arms embracing me _

_Like lovers lost in sweet desire_

It killed her that she was unable to move on. Even the thought of seeing Peter paled in comparison. Plus now that Sandy and Aaron were no longer in the picture, it was torture. The daydreams had returned full force. Everywhere she went she saw Martin, smelled him, heard him.

If only Sandy hadn't opened her big mouth, then she would be able to move on.

_  
Any why in dreams do I surrender  
Like a little baby_

Just then her cell phone rang and she picked it up without looking at the Caller I.D.

"Hello?"

"Hi"

"Martin! How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Great. Did you hear that I am going to Scotland soon?"

"Yes, my dad told me" Martin replied.

They stayed on the phone in silence for about 10 minutes before Ruth said "Look Martin, I'm glad you call but I need to get some sleep. Maybe we can catch up sometime soon" Ruth said before Martin interrupted her and said "You know I had an interesting conversation with your dad tonight"

"Did you?"

"He said I broke your heart. The only way that could happened is if you were in love with me. Are you?"

"Martin, you know I was. I told you that, remember when you told me that you loved me only as a sister?"

"Right" he said sheepishly and tried again.

"Maybe I was too hasty in my decision?"

"Are you telling me or asking me?" She replied sharply.

"I don't know. All I know is Aaron's not mine and I come home expecting to find my best friend, who is on a date and going to Scotland and her dad is blaming me for breaking her heart"

'Well sorry that I caused so much problems in your life. Let me make this easy. The Martin Brewer I fell in love with doesn't exist, so you can breathe easier. I am fine and I will get over you" and with that she hung up.

_  
How do I explain this feeling  
Someone tell me _

Martin looked at the phone in surprise. He couldn't believe she had hung up on him. She had never done that before, except once when she was mad.

He paced his room as he thought about his choices. He could either go over there and demand her to apologize or wait until the morning. He decided the latter and got ready for bed, however once he was lying in bed, he couldn't sleep.

All he could think about was Ruth Camden and how irritating she was at times, and rude and bossy and nosy and beautiful, and sexy, and amazing... wow. When did that happen?

_If I'm not in love with you  
What is this I'm going through, tonight  
_

He jumped out of bed and ran downstairs across the street to the Camden's. Once he opened the back door, he made his way up the stairs to Ruth's bedroom. He knocked softly before opening the door.

"What are you doing here?" a voice asked behind him as he jumped around to see Ruth in front of him.

"I thought you were in your room"

"I couldn't sleep" she admitting as he followed her into the room.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know" He admitted before sitting on the bed and continuing "You made me so angry and then I thought how annoying you can be, and bossy and nosy and..."

"Well thank you for that heart felt description of me. Should I share my thoughts on you?"

"Would you let me finish?" he asked glaring at her as she shrugged and sat across from him.

"I love you, even though you drive me crazy"

_And if this heart is lying then  
What should I believe in _

Ruth looked at him incredulously and started pacing, her voice becoming increasingly louder "and you expect me to swoon? You come over here and bad mouth me to my _face_. Then finish it up with 'I love you' and everything is forgiven?"

"Well not forgiven but at least give me a chance" Martin stated as he got up as well.

"Well Martin Brewer that's not how it works" she said as she walked up to him before shoving him to the wall and kissing him fiercely on the lips.

_  
Why do I go crazy  
Every time I think about you baby _

When they pulled apart, Ruth looked at him and said clearly "Nothing is going to change. I'm still going to Scotland"

"That's fine" Martin replied before hugging her to him.

"And I'm not in love in with you"

"Neither am I" he agreed softly before saying "I'm way past being in love with you. I adore you and if it takes forever for you to believe it then so be it"

"Good, because it is going to take a while for me."

"Okay. Just promise me one thing"

"What's that?"

"When you get to Scotland, don't fall in love. Go out with whomever you want to, but give me a chance to win you back"

"I think I can do that" Ruth replied smiling before Martin kissed her once more.

_Outside her bedroom_

"Another 20 minutes and we go in?" Eric asked Annie who had tears in her eyes.

"Why don't we let it slide for tonight." and with that they went back to bed.

_  
Why else do I want you like I do  
If I'm not in love with you _


	2. Chapter 2

_I am not sure how long I willkeep adding chapters to this story. Hope you enjoy!_

_Seventh Heaven is not mine. Lyrics by Meridith Edwards._

Three months later, Martin waited anxiously for Ruthie's plane to land. It had been an excruciating and exhilarating time for him.

Ruthie had faithfully written at least once a week and was enjoying Scotland. He couldn't count how many times she informed him of the dates she went on. Each time she mentioned the word date, he readied himself to face the inevitable that she would meet someone better suited for her than him.

Back home, life went on for the Camden's. Simon and Sandy moved in together and were very happy.

Lucy and Kevin were getting everything ready for the birth of their twins and Sam and David were looking forward to starting school in September.

Just then Martin heard Ruth's plane had just landed and as he made his way over to the gate he took a deep breath. He watched as everyone made their way out to the terminal, as he continued searching for her.

A moment later, he turned his head to see an attractive girl walk out, her brunette hair straight, with dark jeans and a white baby doll shirt on, with high heeled sandals. She turned to him with a smile and said "Hey! What are you doing here?"

"Ruth?" he croaked out as she launched herself at him, giving him a hug and then stepped back.

"Where is everyone else?"

"I wanted to spend some time with you. I leave tonight for baseball practice"

"Oh" Ruth said smiling slightly as Martin looked her over once more.

"Like what you see Mr. Brewer?" She asked mischievously, her brown eyes lighting up.

"You look great" Martin replied honestly as she smiled again and said "flattery will get you everywhere with me. Keep going".

And as they walked out the terminal, Martin smiled once more. He had to figure out a way to make Ruth his.

After a quick stop at the ice cream parlor they made their way back home, where everyone was waiting for them.

"Ruth! You look fantastic!" Lucy exclaimed as she hugged her and Kevin agreed.

Annie looked at her youngest daughter. She was glowing. Maybe Scotland was the best thing for her. She seemed so at peace and confidant.

"Mom, I've missed you" Ruth said as she gave her mom a hug and then Sam and David gave her hugs, claiming how lonely they were without her.

Eric finally walked up to her and said "So Scotland was wonderful?"

"Better than wonderful, it was amazing. I learned so much about myself and what I can do. Thank you so much for giving me the money" she said as she turned towards Lucy and Kevin.

"You deserved it" Kevin said quietly as they made their way to the dinner table.

After dinner, they were all sitting around and Ruth said "How could I forget! I have presents for everyone" and with that got up to pass them around.

"Ruthie, what about Martin's present?" Sam asked a few minutes later when it became obvious that Martin didn't have a package.

"You'll get yours later" Ruth practically purred in his ear as Martin dropped his fork and everyone looked over to see him blushing as he bent down to pick it up.

"Martin's present is in his car" Ruth said quickly taking the attention off Martin for a second as he tried to compose myself. What the hell had happened to the Ruth Camden he knew? Three months ago he wouldn't think she would ever be able to flirt so much as raise a guy's temperature as she just did his.

"So how's Peter?" Lucy finally asked as she realized that no one would ask this question with Martin sitting right there.

"He's wonderful. He is really happy with Vic and his mom and he had a great time as well. It was fun hanging out with someone who knew me as well as Peter does"

"That's great" Eric replied as he looked over at Martin to see how he would take the news. Martin seemed content enough to eat his apple pie and didn't give any indication that he had heard Ruthie speaking about Peter.

"So Martin" Annie began as Martin looked over at her "You're leaving tonight? When do you think you will be able to come down for another visit?"

"I'm not sure as of now" Martin replied quietly before stealing a glance at Ruth who looked at him as well.

"Well make sure you visit as often as you can" she said smiling warmly wondering what exactly was going on between him and her youngest daughter.

Annie was a bit confused when he had stopped by earlier today to let her know that he would pick Ruth up, but he was always helpful and this summer he spent most of his time with Sam and David and babysitting Savannah and Aaron, that she didn't have the heart to tell him no.

She was happy that he wasn't as depressed as she first thought he would be when he found out that Aaron's wasn't his, but he had bounced back and was the same sweet kid she fell in love with 2 years ago.

"So what else did you learn?" Eric asked Ruthie as she took a sip of her lemon water before answering "I started taking voice lessons and I took a class in music and writing"

"Wonderful" Annie beamed as Ruthie blushed and said "I even wrote a couple of songs."

"Well we would love to hear them sometime" Annie said as she looked at the clock and said "Bedtime guys"

"Aw mom" they whined as Martin stood up as well and said "I'll put them to bed Mrs. Camden."

"Thanks Martin" Annie replied smiling at him as he led the boys upstairs. As soon as he was out of ear shot Lucy bent over and asked "So are you back with Peter? Did you two kiss? Spill before Martin comes down and spoils everything"

"Lucy" Kevin warned as Ruth laughed mirthfully and replied "Peter and I did hang out and we went on a couple of dates and truthfully, if Martin was really a dad, then yes Peter and I would be back together"

"So you are not together?" Lucy asked grinning as Annie and Eric looked at one another.

"No, we're just friends" Ruth admitted before changing the subject once more and turning to her parents "I know I just got back and my curfew is soon but would you mind if I gave Martin his present before he leaves?"

"Sure" Annie replied slowly as she looked at her daughter and then asked "It is something tangible, correct?"

"Yes" Ruth replied, shock evident in her tone as everyone turned towards Annie.

"I just want to be sure. You have been without any supervision for the past three months and you seem so grown up and carefree, I just need to know that my sensible Ruthie is still underneath this cover model in front of me"

"Mom, trust me. I am still the same Ruthie; I haven't thrown all my morals to the wind"

"Well that's good to hear because if you do pursue a relationship with Martin you need to understand that the rules will dramatically change for you."

"I realize that" she replied softly as Martin walked back down the stairs.

"Did the boys give you any trouble?" Eric asked as Martin smiled and said "No. They were pretty tired from today"

"Well speaking of tired I am pooped" Lucy said as she stood up and Kevin helped her.

"Night Mom, dad" Kevin said as he smiled at Ruthie and Martin before walking out the door with Lucy.

"You have at least an hour past curfew" Annie stated as she looked at the both of them and left with Eric.

"So" Ruth began as she looked at Martin and smiled "Did you want that present?"

"Sure" Martin replied blushing slightly. He was starting to become increasingly uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how to react around this new Ruth that practically oozed sensuality in everything she did. It was the way she held his stare with a challenge in her brown eyes, and the way she walked and moved her body, as though she was fully aware of what she was doing.

"Remember how I told you I wasn't in love with you?" she began bluntly as Martin briefly closed his eyes before nodding. Trust Ruth to bring up one of the most painful moments of the summer.

"Yes" he replied as she walked closer and said "Come with me". She took his hand and pulled him outside to the back yard and upstairs to the garage apartment. He was surprised to see a keyboard and a microphone there.

"I asked Simon to set it up for me before I came home" she explained as she sat down and indicated he take a seat as well.

"Now, do not speak until I am finished" she said sternly as she started playing

**_I get a feeling  
I can't explain  
whenever your eyes meet mine  
my heart spins in circles  
and I lose all space and time_**

Martin was surprised when she started singing. He always thought she had a nice voice, but her singing voice was something totally different. It was smooth and husky and damn right sexy.****

And now that  
We're standing face to face  
Something tells me  
It's Gonna be okay

And I'm ready to fall in love tonight  
Ready to hold my heart open wide  
I can't promise forever  
But baby I'll try  
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight

I know you've been watching  
Choosing your moment  
Well I've been dreaming of that day  
No one before you  
Has gotten to me this way

And now that  
We're standing face to face  
There's something I need to say

Ruth then looked up at him and smiled before continuing ****

And I'm ready to fall in love tonight  
Ready to hold my heart open wide  
I can't promise forever  
But baby I'll try  
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight

Nothing is certain  
This I know  
Wherever we're headed  
I'm ready to go

I can't promise forever  
But baby I'll try  
Yes I'm ready to fall  
In love tonight  
Yes I'm ready to fall  
In love tonight  
Yes I'm ready to fall  
In love tonight  
In love tonight  
In love tonight

Martin looked at her in amazement once she was finished. What in the world just happened? He thought as she looked at him and said "So?"

"That was excellent" he replied as she rolled her eyes and said "I know that Martin. I just told you something very important, now focus"

Martin stopped for a moment and then said "So you're in love with me as well?"

"Not quite. I'm ready to fall in love with you. Now you have to woo me in order to complete it"

"So what are you saying?" Martin asked a bit confused.

"Martin Brewer you are the most stubborn man in the world." And with that she walked over and kissed him on the lips.

"Oh"

"Oh" she mocked slightly and then said "I expect a lot of attention from any boyfriend. Just because we are friends doesn't mean I will let you slide on this"

"I know" Martin replied as she said "I'm just reiterating it. Good night"


	3. Chapter 3

_It only hurts when I breathe_

_For some reason the ideas keep coming. Lyrics by Shania Twain._

It had been four months since Martin and Ruth started dating.

October came and went and with it the birth of Kevin and Lucy's twins. They named the boys Frank and Ashley.

Simon and Sandy came home with another surprise as well. Sandy was pregnant again! The Camden's were shocked and disappointed that they were having another child out of wedlock.

A few days before Thanksgiving, Ruth was walking out of the Glen Oak recording studio when she saw Martin waiting by his car.

"This is a surprise" she drawled slowly as she walked her way over to him and he smiled before giving her a hug.

"I finished midterms early and couldn't wait to come home"

"Well I'm glad" Ruth replied before Martin bent down to gently kiss her. When they pulled apart, he said "Hop in, I'm taking you to dinner"

"Was the parental units okay with that?"

"How do you know I asked them first? Maybe I just came here without any permission"

"Because you're Martin Brewer, always the responsible one, well except that one time"

"Yes they were okay with it. You have even been granted an extra hour of curfew"

"Yeah for me" Ruth replied as she buckled her seat belt.

"So how did you do on that test?" Martin asked a few moments later.

"Aced it" Ruth responded the smug satisfaction evident in her tone as she turned her head and stated "but enough about school. How much did you miss me?"

"Enough" Martin replied as glanced at her before turning his attention back to the road.

Once they were seated in the restaurant, Martin looked at Ruth. She was still glowing. Her hair was pulled back and she looked stunning. These were the times when he felt that he would surely lose her. Plus the fact that she constantly kept him guessing, so unlike the Ruthie before Scotland.

Just then he felt her toe slide up his pant leg. "What are you doing?" He hissed as he tried to keep his pulse under control.

"Nothing" she said lowly as she slowly leaned in and licked her cheery red poutylips.

"Ruth Camden behave yourself right now" Martin sternly said as she pouted luxuriously before crossing her arms across her chest and saying "Fine" she took a sip of water and then changed the subject.

"Did you hear Sandy and Simon's news?"

"Yes. Simon called me to practice what he was going to tell your parents. He was really worried"

"He should have been"

"Well it was an honest mistake" Martin defended Simon as Ruth looked at him in horror.

"Honest mistake? How do you get someone pregnant by an honest mistake? Does the sperm just find its way up the fallopian tube? Gosh, you would think they learned this lesson from the first time"

"Well" but Ruth cut him off, her brown eyes dangerously bright. "Don't you dare say another word Martin Brewer!" he looked at her in amazement. She was beautiful when she was angry. He would have to make a mental note later.

"I'm sorry" he said a few minutes later.

"Don't apologize. You obviously don't have a problem with pre-marital sex"

"Just because I was trying to cut a guy some slack doesn't automatically mean I agree with their decision. Don't categorize me in a group Ruth"

"Oh I'm sorry. I must have been referring to the time you thought you were going to be a father." She stood up as Martin looked at her "Sit down Ruth"

"No. I'm ready to go home" and with that walked out.

Martin hastily threw some money on the table and followed her to his car.

Once they were driving Martin said "You know I thought you were mature but what you just did was totally infantile"

"Oh so now I'm infantile because I have morals?" Ruth demanded as she took a deep breath and said "I never thought I would be attacked by you on my opinion"

"What opinion Ruth? You stated the fact that Simon and Sandy should be ashamed that they are pregnant"

"They should be"

"Ruth not everyone is a virgin. Not everyone is waiting for a prince on a white horse as you are, and I'll tell you right now. I am no prince. I have faults like any other guy, like any human being"

"Why you inconsiderate pig. If I am so pure for you maybe you should date someone else. Someone else who is going to agree with you and then you sleep together and find yourself in the same situation again and maybe this time with an STD"

"So this is how it is now? We argue, you take a cheap shot, and then break up with me?" Martin roared before pulling over in an abandoned parking lot.

"Why are we stopping?"

"So I can fight with you without killing us"

"There's nothing to fight about. We are over"

"We're not over. You just can't state that because I said some things you didn't like"

"I can and I will"

"Ruth Camden, you are the most immature person I've ever met. What do you think the meaning of a relationship is? People have fights and disagreements, it's all normal. I thought you had changed from your trip. Now I see that you have become an arrogant, spoiled conceited brat who is a tease. So if you want to break up then fine but Listen and listen good Ruth Camden, I'm not coming back. I won't deal with this crap of break up and make up cycle. I am no longer in high school" Ruth remained silent before getting out of the car.

"Where the hell are you going?' Martin asked stepping out of the car as well.

"Home"

"Ruth get your ass back into the car or I'll do it for you" Ruth threw him a withering stare before continuing walking as Martin swore under his breath and walked over, throwing her across his right shoulder.

"Put me down Martin Brewer" she demanded as he unceremoniously dropped her on the passenger seat and drove off.

They reached the Camden's house as Ruth walked out without looking at Martin and went inside.

"How was dinner?" Annie warmly asked her youngest daughter. Ruth turned to look her mother in the eye and said very quietly "It's over" and with went upstairs.

Thanksgiving Day arrived and the Camden's home was filled. Simon and Sandy were there, along with Kevin, Lucy, Savannah and the twins. Sam and David were in the living room with Eric and Mr. Brewer.

As Ruth came downstairs, Annie said "Ruthie I need you to go to the store for something"

"Okay" she replied as her mom said "we need more ice" Ruth nodded and went out the back door.

"So where exactly is Martin?' Eric asked Bill.

"He's home moping"

"Did he say anything?"

"Other than the fact that you're daughter is a stubborn arrogant brat that he happens to madly be in love with? No"

"Well they'll work this out" Eric replied soothingly before turning their attention to the game.

A few minutes later, Ruth returned with the ice and went in search of Lucy. When she saw her she asked "Luce? May I have a word?"

"Sure" Lucy replied as they went into Eric's office.

"Do you think I'm an arrogant spoiled brat?"

"Well not always but you have to admit lately you haven't been very nice"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you were mean to Sandy today"

"Because she was hanging around. Why can't she leave me alone?"

"She happens to like you Ruth. You are also a bit more interested on how you look"

"So I happened to get some fashion sense, sue me" Ruth snapped as Lucy looked at her and said "See you have changed"

Ruth sighed and said "Martin said some hurtful things to me and some of it was probably true"

"You do realize that Martin loves you, right?"

"Sure he does, that's why he criticized me"

"Ruth no one said dating Martin was going to be all romance and kisses. He's a human being with faults. You can't just dump him when you think he's being idiotic"

"Now you sound like him" Ruth wailed before continuing "Luce he pretty much told me that not everyone waits till marriage and then followed it up by calling me a tease"

"Have you been teasing him lately?" Lucy asked seriously as Ruth began to protest and then said "Yes, but not on purpose. I can't help it with when I'm with Martin, he just brings that side out of me, but it doesn't mean I am going to sleep with him"

"Well Martin is partly right. Not everyone waits till marriage. Kevin wasn't a virgin"

"But you were"

"Yes I was and I don't regret it. This is something you should be discussing with Martin"

"Lucy I had to get out of that relationship"

"Why? You've spent the better part of two years trying to get him to finally see you and now you want to throw it all away? Why?"

"Because what if I can't say no? What if one night we go too far? I am attracted to Martin, everyone knows that, physically and emotionally and at times I want to be with him in every sense of the word and realistically I know I can't but my body tell me something else"

"So you think breaking up is the best step?"

"For right now it is" Ruth replied before walking out and going to the garage apartment to sing.

As she sat down the words poured out from her soul.

_Hope life's been good to you  
since you've been gone  
I'm doing' fine now - I've finally moved on  
It's not so bad - I'm not that sad _

_I'm not surprised just how well I survived  
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive  
I can't complain - I'm free again_

_  
And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath to forget_

_Don't think I'm lying' 'round crying' at night  
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right  
I've never looked back as a matter of fact_

_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath to forget_

_It only hurts when I breathe_

_Mmm, no, I've never looked back as a matter fact_

_Hurts when I'm breathing  
Breaks when it's beating  
die when I'm dreaming  
it only hurts when I breathe_


	4. Chapter 4

_When you Kiss Me 4. Lyrics by Shania Twain._

Finals came and went and Martin returned home in low spirits. He couldn't believe Ruth had ignored him for Thanksgiving and hadn't even returned his calls.

He tried to move on and went on several dates but each one ended when he would do something idiotic like saying Ruth's name when he kissed one girl, or not pay attention to his surroundings. He dated one girl for about a week and a half until she insisted that he take Ruth's picture from his night stand and then he promptly broke up with her.

"I have a few more presents to pick up dad" Martin finally said as he walked out of his house and jumped into his car.

By the time he arrived at the mall, he regretted his decision. Truth be told, he didn't need any presents he just had to leave. When had he become such a depressing guy? Oh yes, when Ruth Camden had taken his heart and stomped all over it. Being in love was not fun.

By the time he shoved his way through the hordes of people shopping, and laughing, and grabbing, he was thirsty. As he made his way down to the food court area, he heard a distinct laugh.

He turned around to see Ruth, standing at the Orange Julius counter talking to some guy. It was obvious that the guy was attracted to her as he leaned closer to her and she laughed again before tossing her glossy mane.

Jealousy boiled his blood as he clenched his fist and tried to decide what to do. Part of him wanted to go over there and rip that guy to shreds but the sane, sensible side said to let it go. On the other hand, Ruth and he hadn't even properly separated and she was flirting with some soda jerk.

Just then Ruth leaned over the counter and kissed his cheek before walking away, her hips swaying seductively. When had she gotten hips?

Martin turned from the food court; his appetite lost and made his way to the sports store. At least he had one thing in his life that was always constant. Who needed Ruth Camden anyway?

_Camden's Home_

Ruth returned home to the smell of Christmas cookies and music.

"Did you have a nice time at the mall?" Annie asked her daughter, looking closely at her. Ever since she stated that Martin and she were over, she had thrown herself into school, volunteering, and babysitting. Though she had changed her physical appearance, she was still the same, sweet Ruthie.

"It was okay. Chris was working"

"Did you tell him yes?" It was a known fact that Chris had been pursuing Ruth and the family found it highly amusing, since Ruth was so blasé about it.

"I told him no. I'm still in love with Martin"

"Then you should tell him" Annie suggested as Ruth snorted and replied "And admit I was wrong? No thank you"

"Ruthie" Annie admonished her before continuing "In any relationship, one person is never going to be right all the time. You should be grateful that Martin loves you enough to tell you when you are in the wrong. You shouldn't punish him and yourself just because you dislike it"

"I'll think about it" Ruth promised with a smile and headed upstairs.

Later that night the Camden family got ready to attend Midnight Eve Service. Ruth loved this time when the church was decorated in green and red and lit by candles.

As Ruth made her way to the Camden row, she was startled to see Martin and his dad.

"Merry Christmas" Mr. Brewer said as he stood up to give Ruth a hug and a kiss. "You look beautiful"

"Thanks Mr. Brewer" Ruth said softly blushing a bit. Mr. Brewer nudged his son a little and Martin looked up at her briefly before saying "Ruth"

"Martin" and sat on the other side of Mr. Brewer who sighed and looked towards the sky. Why him?

Throughout the service, Martin kept stealing glances at Ruth. She looked stunning. She had a long, dark red dress with heels and her hair was pulled back.

Once the service was over, Martin stood up and went to Ruth's side. "May I take you home?"

"We don't have anything to say to one another"

"Well I have something to tell you" Martin growled as he took her elbow and led her out the door.

"Where are you going?" Mr. Brewer asked them as Martin replied "We'll be back"

Martin ushered Ruth out and she immediately started shivering. He took off his suit jacket and placed it around her shoulders as she smiled gratefully up at him.

He smiled in return before pulling her closer into a hug.

"I've missed you" he admitted as Ruth hugged him back, contemplating her next move. She knew she could either go on being miserable or just give into admitting she was wrong.

"I've missed you too" she finally replied before looking up at him.

Martin smiled as he hugged her again. "We should probably go inside" Martin suggested minutes later. Ruth nodded her agreement as they walked in together holding hands.

Annie looked over at them when they walked in. They looked so great together. Martin was so handsome in his black suit, although Ruth was currently wearing his jacket.

They stopped at the entry level trying to figure out a way to let their family know that they were back together when Lucy pointed out "You guys are under the mistletoe"

"Who puts mistletoe in a church?" Ruth asked Martin under her breath as he shrugged at her and then said "We just made up" as Ruth smiled up at him and replied "Exactly. I don't want an audience when we finally do kiss" as she looked up at him from under her long, dark lashes.

"So what are you waiting for?" Kevin said as Martin sighed and told Ruth "Well let's get it over with"

"So now kissing me is a chore?"

"Just shut up" Martin grinned good naturally before bending down to kiss Ruth, who threw her arms around his waist, before kissing him back.

Ruthie murmured in agreement before gently biting his lower lip and then running her tongue over the spot as Martin gasped a bit and hastily pulled away.

"What was that for?" he asked her as she looked at him, raised her eyebrow and purred "an appetizer"

"So now that we are back together you are trying to kill me?"

"Come again?" Ruth asked in surprise before looking to see if their family had just witnessed this little spat, however; they were no where to be found.

"Where did they go?" she asked as she looked around.

"They probably left" Martin replied softly as he looked down at her.

"So we should probably head back as well" Ruth suggested softly as Martin said "Maybe we can sit here a while and talk"

"Talk? About what?"

"About us. Our relationship"

"What about it?"

"I'm not a virgin"

"I know that Martin"

"I know, I'm trying to make a point. I'm more than willing to wait for you, but there has to be some ground rules"

"Such as?"

"Such as not trying to seduce me to the point that I become angry and bitter"

"Okay" she replied softly and then asked "What exactly do you mean?"

"Well not teasing, at least not in the sexual way, no inappropriate touching" as Ruth sighed and then said "Martin, you are a prude. How about we do what feels natural with the agreement that we will not be engaging in pre-marital sex"

"As wonderful as that sounds now, trust me once you start doing some things it is all too easy to just finish it"

"Okay fine" Ruth snapped as Martin looked at her "Don't be mad, I just want to be prepared. We can't keep breaking up, it's getting old"

"Okay" Ruth replied pouting slightly and then said "How about I give you one of your gifts now?"

"Okay" he agreed as she took his hand and led him to the piano bench

_This could be it, I think I'm in love  
It's love this time  
It just seems to fit, I think I'm in love  
This love is mine _

I can see you with me when I'm older  
All my lonely night are finally over  
You took the weight of the world off my  
shoulders (the world just goes away)

Oh, when you kiss me

I know you miss me--  
and when you're with me  
The world just goes away  
The way you hold me  
The way you show me that you  
adore me--oh, when you kiss me  
Oh, yeah

You are the one, I think I'm in love  
Life has begun

I can see the two of us together  
I know I'm Gonna be with you forever  
Love couldn't be any better

I can see you with me when I'm older  
All my lonely nights are finally over  
You took the weight of the world off my  
shoulders (the world just goes away)

And when you kiss me  
I know you miss me  
Oh, the world just goes away  
When you kiss me

Once she had finished singing, Martin looked over at her, tears in his eyes. She had just given him the best present ever. Her heart.


	5. Chapter 5

_Good bye to you_

April came and went and with it the birth of Sandy and Simon's child. It was a girl and they named her Sarah, after astonishing everyone by declaring they weren't getting married.

The next big surprise came after Ruth's graduation when she informed her family and Martin that she had received a scholarship to study inn London and if they gave her more money she would be able to afford a small apartment. They were sitting around the dining room table as Martin dropped his fork.

"What?" he questioned as everyone looked at him in surprise; they had naturally assumed he knew.

"Ruth?" he questioned again as she looked over at him. They both stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"I was going to tell you" she began softly moving towards him as he took a step back.

"When? When you were boarding the plane?" he scathingly asked as he started pacing and then said "Damn it Ruth! I thought you were going to go to college with me"

"What gave you that idea? You are going to be a junior and then you will graduate. Besides I want to study music, I'm really good at it"

"I realize that but you can be just as good at it in California instead of London"

"Martin, I thought you would understand. This is my passion, it's what I want"

"And where does this leave me…us? Ruth, we barely survived a year with an hour and a half distance, how will we survive oceans apart?"

"I don't know" she admitted softly.

"I can't wait this time. I won't wait and end up doing something we both regret. If you're going to London..." and Ruth interjected "the enrollment check has already been sent"

"Then its goodbye" he said softly as the tears fell. Ruth looked up at him in shock as she pounded his chest. "You told me you would wait for me"

"I know. I told you I would wait for us to make love, to be with one another, not to wait while you move across the ocean to selfishly study something you can do here. You made a decision without talking to me, when I tell you everything and I ask your input. With everyone in your family knowing except for me"

Ruth looked shrewdly at him and replied "How does that feel?"

Martin had the decency to blush before angrily saying "Grow up Ruth" At that moment; Annie stuck her head in "Ruth? They're here"

"Okay" she said as she wiped her tears and said "I'll be in soon"

"Who's here?" Martin asked her as she replied "The London conservatory. They think they will be able to give me more money"

"Oh" he said softly as she walked out the kitchen and into the living room. Her family and the three board members were waiting for her.

"Thanks for coming" Ruth said softly as she sat at the keyboard and her fingers began playing the notes for "I'm Ready to fall" but she suddenly stopped and opened her mouth, forgetting about the keyboard.

_Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with  
Tears form behind my eyes  
but I do not cry  
Counting the days that pass me by_

The members looked at one another in surprise. This was not the song she sent in, but this one sounded great just the same, raw, new, and filled with emotion.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend  
And I said, _

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And as the feelings of hurt, anger and regret washed over Ruth she kept on singing.

_  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right _

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine

At that moment Ruth looked directly at Martin and sang_  
I want you  
But I'm not giving in this time _

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

As he looked at her with anger, disappointment, and sadness, Martin Brewer turned his back and walked out.

_  
And when the stars fall  
I will lie awake  
you're my shooting star_

As the last note faded from the keyboard, Ruth stood up and ran from the living room. It was over and though she knew why, it hurt all the same.

_Five years Later_

Ruth Camden waited impatiently for someone in her family to pick her up. She was exhausted and just wanted to get home. The past five years had been incredible for her. She was able to study music and decided she would be an art therapist.

The only thing that was missing was Martin. Being apart from him was torture and from the calls and letters she received from home, it seemed as Martin felt that same way. The only reason she had returned to Glen Oak was to see if he would give her another chance.

When she had told her mom, Eric found a job at Glen Oak hospital where she could actually treat people with art therapy.

Ruth had to admit she was really excited. Sandy had revealed that they were pregnant again and though they still weren't married, everyone couldn't deny the love they had for each other and their children.

Just then a shadow fell over her. She looked up to see who this person was prepared to demand him to move, and her heart stopped beating for a second… It was Martin.


	6. Chapter 6

_At Last_

Martin looked down at the young woman in front of him. She was beautiful. He smiled nervously at her before sitting down.

"Hi" he foolishly said, silently berating his awkwardness.

"Hi yourself stranger. What are you doing here?"

"The same reason I was here five years ago. I want to take you to lunch"

"I'm tired" she said as he laughed and replied "I'll take you to anywhere you want to go, anything you want to eat"

"Anything?" she finally asked tempted.

"Anything" he firmly replied as she smiled and asked "Like burgers and Fries?"

"Sure" Martin easily replied as he stood up and offered his hand to her. Once she got up, he held on and they walked out of the airport holding hands.

The next two hours the two caught up on everything that had happened in the last five years.

Ruth took a deep breath and finally said "I want to apologize how we left things five years ago. I was wrong in assuming you wouldn't mind what decision I made concerning my future, considering that we were dating each other"

Martin hastily interrupted "I was wrong as well. I had told you that I would wait but if I was truly honest, I was just frustrated and upset and at the time it seemed as though I was just someone to date until you could leave home. The past five years gave me the opportunity to do what I wanted to do, without worrying about another person. I guess in a way, you gave me my childhood back"

Ruth tilted her head in confusion as Martin smiled and then elaborated "I was always the grown up, even with my friends. When we broke up, I just focused on me. Playing baseball and stupid video games and studying..." he broke off suddenly blushing and then took a deep breath "It gave me a chance to date a lot"

Ruth looked at him the question in her eyes as he shook his head and said "I promised you I would wait till marriage, and I have. I just went out a lot, with different people, trying to forget about you"

"Oh" she replied softly as she looked down at the table and then said "I've had a couple of wonderful relationships in the past five years"

Martin blanched at this response. He had dated, but none of the women he went out with could be categorized as wonderful. Mrs. Camden had assured him that Ruth was single, if she had experienced wonderful relationships why would she want him?

"So what made you come back?" Martin finally asked as Ruth looked directly into his eyes and softly admitted "Because of you"

"Me?" he asked her smiling slightly as she nodded her head and said "I love you Martin. It took me five years to realize it but I do. I came back to see if I had a chance"

"A chance?" he asked her confused as she said "A chance for us to be together"

"But I sold my house" he stated as Ruth incredulously asked "Why would you do that?"

"Because I was moving"

"Moving! Why would you do something like that without speaking to me?"

"I did. Remember last month"

Ruth thought back to last month. Martin had called her one day out of the blue and she was so excited. That was the day she realized that she was still in love with him. That is until he told her that he was in love and needed advice on what to do.

It had killed her to tell him and after she told him to make a grand gesture to prove his love, she decided to follow her own advice and took the next flight to Glen Oak.

"So who's the lucky girl?" she asked smiling slightly as she thought _be strong and don't start crying until you get home._

"I'm looking right at her" he replied as Ruth looked behind her confused as Martin laughed loudly.

"You mean me?" she finally asked him, her brown eyes shining with tears of happiness.

"I never stopped loving you. I was just upset and angry and worried. I thought you didn't love me or had realized that I was not the one for you. I understand it now though; London was about your education and your happiness. Now hopefully this will be about our happiness together" Ruth smiled at him, tears now falling down her face as she nodded.

Martin then stood up and took her hand, as she stood up as well.

He pulled her into his arms before bending down to kiss her on the lips. "I have one more question for you"

"Yes" she replied in a dazed tone.

"Yes what?" Martin teased as she shook her head and looked at him "To anything and everything, as long as I get to share it with you"

"Marry me" he asked as he placed the diamond ring on her finger before swooping down to kiss her again, and as the two kissed the manager of the restaurant turned the stereo on as the words washed over the newly engaged couple.

_At last, _

_my love has come along _

_My lonely days are over _

_And life is like a song_

_Oh, yeah, at last _

_The skies above are blue _

_My heart was wrapped up in clovers _

_The night I looked at you_

_I found a dream that I could speak to _

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to rest my cheek to _

_A thrill that I have never known _

_Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile _

_Oh, and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in heaven _

_For you are mine_

_Finis_

_Lyrics by Etta James At last_


End file.
